However, it the parents’ responsibility to act responsibly and carefully. Perhaps if he feels that you are not judging him, but rather are asking him to help you in creating the safest environment possible for your daughters, he will be more receptive to the conversation.Īs I said before, accidents do happen and it is not uncommon for a child to hear or even see their parents having sex. However, the goal is to see him first as a partner in keeping your daughters safe. Focus on your daughters' safety and well-being, and try to avoid an angry confrontation (even though, I understand that you probably are very angry that he put your daughter in this position). When you speak to your daughter's father, let him know what your daughter told you and that it made her uncomfortable. You will of course respect her privacy but when safety is a concern, adults do need to make decisions about who to talk to. You may find other times she asks you “not to tell” and this could actually increase her vulnerability. It’s important that your daughter understands that secrets are not kept between adults and children. Talking to your ex-husband, despite your daughter not wanting you to, would be a good next step. The bottom line is that your ex-husband should be aware that his daughter heard him and was uncomfortable, and that this should not happen again. Sometimes warning signs don’t mean that an adult is abusing a child, but instead that this adult has poor boundaries and can contribute to raising a child who may be more vulnerable. Rather, look for patterns and repetitious behavior. Have you ever had any other concerns about your daughter’s father’s behaviors? Please look over our warning signs, noting that one of two signs doesn’t mean that her father is abusing her. There is no reason that any adult should purposefully have sex, knowing that a child can hear and/or see what is going on. Likewise, intending to expose a child to sexual activity is abusive. Sometimes two adults may even have sex in the same room as a child, like when the child is an infant. Accidentally, walls may be thin and a child may be able to hear something from another room, or perhaps they unintentionally walked into the bedroom during a sexual act. When a child witnesses or overhears a sexual encounter between adults, it could be accidentally or with intent. Understanding the Definition Child Sexual Abuse is often a helpful way to clear up some common misinterpretations of what child abuse is and is not. Sexual abuse can indeed occur through both touching and non-touching behaviors and actions. Identifying whether adult’s behaviors are abusive is a key step in safety planning. What you’ve asked is an important question.
Thank you for contacting Stop It Now! We understand how important, and sometimes confusing, it can be to protect a child.